Day 5: What part of game dev do I struggle with most? -Hannah

There are so many aspects of game development that I find challenging, it’s hard to pick just one technical or creative hurdle and say, “Yep — that’s the one.” But honestly, none of it compares to the real boss battle:

Perfectionism.

For a long time, I thought perfectionism kept me safe, made me useful, competent, “good at things.” But it turns out, it’s actually a trap. A sneaky one. One that tries to imprison you in a perfectly tidy, mediocre existence that I’m just straight-up not interested in.

So I said to myself:

"Hey Hannah, want to gather up all your little quirks and struggles and find a profession that requires you to confront and work through every single one of them just to make progress?"

And when I put it like that, it doesn’t sound appealing at all, but here I am, doing exactly that.

The issue is that I don’t like being bad at things. It stresses me out. But to get good at anything, you have to start out kind of terrible. That’s just how it works. And every time I dive into some part of game dev — whether it’s building a level, marketing the game, or figuring out how to make the business side of things actually function — I go through rollercoaster that looks something like this:

1. Ok, I have to achieve this thing.

2. I sort of know how.

3. Maybe I’ll give it a go?

4. OH MY GOD THIS IS THE WORST PIECE OF SHIT I’VE EVER CREATED.

5. I AM TERRIBLE.

6. EVERYONE WAS RIGHT WHENEVER THEY’VE SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT ME.

7. Wait.

8. HOW DARE ANYONE MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY.

9. I AM SO ANGRY ABOUT THAT — OF COURSE I CAN DO ANYTHING.

10. WHY AM I IN THIS PRISON I DIDN’T CREATE??

11. Oh. Maybe I’m not in the prison anymore.

12. [Two hours pass.]

13. Ok... it’s not that bad. I just need to tweak this. And maybe this.

And repeat.

So in a way: I’m the problem.

Which also means I can be the solution.

And if nothing else, I’ll stubbornly find a way to be really good at being the solution, too.