I have a lot to say, but I’m scared.
From hiding behind the brand to being seen on purpose—here’s the scariest, bravest thing I’ve done in game dev so far.
6/29/20253 min read
The other day, Lee and I were discussing content ideas for our blog posts, and he suggested I start writing about my own experiences in game development. My first thought was: Absolutely not.
Out loud, I said, “Maybe.”
Nice, non-committal.
He didn’t buy it and just stared at me. “What do you mean maybe?”
Shit, I thought that would work and we could forget about it
“I don't think I have much to say. And I’m scared of being wrong on the internet.”
That was a lie
Well, half a lie. It’s easier to say that I’m scared of being wrong on the internet than it is to say
“Staying silent and tucked away has kept me (kinda) safe for most of my life, and I don’t know how to unprogram that from my brain”.
We started talking about conversations I could be contributing to, and I realized that boy, do I have a lot to say, but I’m afraid.
When we started growing our online presence, I had the time of my life building communities within our social media accounts while hiding behind the anonymity of the brand.
Old habits die hard, I guess, but this time was different because I believed in what I was doing.
I was building a community around us in my voice, and people were responding in an overwhelmingly positive way. I was (and still am) proud of what we’re creating and how we’re doing it, so conflicting values weren’t an issue. Why was I still so scared to show up as myself?
Partially because I know all too well how women on the internet are at risk of being treated, especially when showing up in gaming and tech spaces. It can be a nasty and sometimes dangerous place to be. As of 2021, women make up almost 50% of gamers, with 77% of them experiencing gender based harassment online, and 59% of them choosing to hide their gender while playing online to avoid said harassment. 1
It’s really important to me to show up in this space, not just because I want to push the statistics, but because I value what we’re building so highly. And even if the online spaces seem scary, how can I expect that to change if I don’t show up regardless of the risks?
My goal is to contribute my share of positivity to the gaming and game dev communities, sharing openly about my creative journey, celebrating others’ wins, and making space for thoughtful, kind conversations—because that’s the kind of community I want to be part of.
So, my first step down the path of being perceived on purpose was to reach out to Michelle and ask for help.
It went something like “I know I need to be seen on the internet, but I’m SCARED please help”
Michelle has built a supportive and warm online community both through Twitch streaming and on social media, so I knew she’d have some answers for me. On overcoming the fear of posting, she said
“That fear keeps me aware and holds me accountable to showing up in a way that is authentic and always striving to be my best self. I've built my brand around being the person who I want to be, and knowing I'm being recorded on the internet keeps me aligned with those values and honestly makes me better off camera too.
And then knowing that I'm showing up in a way that feels right for me, lets me more easily move on when people are assholes. Which--thankfully-- hasn't happened to me much.”
While all of that is a very real and valid reason for being hesitant, it’s only one part of the picture.
The fact of the matter is that I spent far too long internalizing negativity and self-doubt that never belonged to me in the first place. This realization made me angry, sad, and so motivated to not let it hold me back any longer.
I’m making an intentional effort to break all the rules that apparently made me “better” (read: quieter, less ambitious in ways that are threatening to the status quo.) and placing those beliefs back where they belong, FAR far away from me.
Maybe I’ll get cyberbullied, or I’ll enter the office gossip sphere once again (I guess I'm really interesting?), but I sure won’t be erasing myself for the sake of others whose opinions I don’t value. I know that I’m not alone in feeling this way, and I hope that by sharing, someone else can feel less alone too.
It’s kind of funny that writing this post feels like the final boss in the game “Doing Brave Things”. And what irony that it’s not travelling overseas alone, rebuilding a life, or re-learning to drive - it’s posting on the internet that’s finally tripped me up.
For any Throne of Glass fans out there - “My name is Hannah Moon, and I will not be afraid”.
And for everyone else-
Hi. I’m Hannah, the CEO and Co-Founder of Raguthra Studios.
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